There are currently no evidence-based therapies for neurodiverse marriage.

What is a Neurodiverse Marriage?

A neurodiverse marriage is an adult relationship between a typically developing person (AKA a "neurotypical") or non-autistic neurodivergent person and an autistic person. Most autistic people who achieve marriage have high-functioning autism. In a nutshell, high-functioning autism is autims without intellectual or language impairment. Most of the obvious signs of high-functioning autism diminish after childhood and many adults with high-functioning autism marry and have children (American Psychiatric Association, 2013; Attwood, 2015).

Neurodiverse marriages have neurological incompatibilities just as mixed-faith marriages have religious incompatibilities and mixed-orientation marriages have sexual incompatibilities. The marriages are mixed because autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects social interactions and communication, two of the most important aspects of adult relationships.

Many people with high-functioning autism remain undiagnosed. It is common for couples to marry without any knowledge that one partner is on the spectrum. As autism has a genetic component, neurodiverse couples may have children with autism. Whenever a child is diagnosed, it is valuable for the parents to consider whether one or both of them may also be on the autism spectrum. Neurodiverse couples face communication incompatibilities related to the differences in their brains.

Neurodiverse marriages are vulnerable to domestic abuse and both partners are vulnerable to trauma in their relationships.

There are currently no evidence-based marital therapies for neurodiverse marriages and it may be unethical for religious leaders, families and professionals to discourage divorce. Both partners are in need of support and resources. Much more research must be done before professionals will be able to claim they have an evidence-based treatment method for neurodiverse marriage.

High-conflict divorce is common and some attorneys may unknowingly be exploiting families with autism. Laws designed to prevent conflict could protect vulnerable families and children from the trauma of mixed-neurological divorce. Partners should leave divorce as financial equals.

People with autism have theory of mind and immediate empathy deficits. Theory of mind and empathy are important in parenting. In some cases, especially when the autistic partner does not acknowledge their autism or its impacts on the children, primary parental responsibility should belong to the non-autistic partner after divorce. When autistic partners acknowledge their autism and seek out solutions that are best for the whole family, it is generally preferable for parents to share equal parenting responsibility.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition DSM-5 TM. Washington, D.C: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Attwood, T. (2015). The complete guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (Revised ed.). London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.